If you want to use mediation or the collaborative process but your spouse does not, or your spouse has already chosen a lawyer who is not trained in the collaborative process, your family will be using “traditional negotiation” by default.

Many of my clients have reported being very nervous about their separation when the lawyers are too aggressive. They do not want to be taken advantage of and they do not want to be mistreated by the other lawyer. Nor do my clients want their kids to suffer because of drawn-outut legal disputes.

Many traditional family law lawyers negotiate separation agreements in a respectful way. However, this is not always the case.

Traditional negotiation is not a process with specific guidelines or rules of conduct. There is no cohesive method of negotiation. The goal is not to help the separating couples to separate in a way that is fair to both, or to foster a long-lasting post-separation relationship after separation. The main goal of traditional negotiation is to conclude a separation agreement.

Aggressive tactics (threats of going to Court if the position is not accepted, stonewalling, intimidation, etc.) are often used to gain advantage for one party over the other, sometimes with little regard to the upset and impact on the families or children involved. The reality is that the law is the law, and intimidating tactics rarely generate better outcomes for anyone involved, but they make the process more expensive.

My clients have reported being appreciative of my confident and intelligent approach to their legal representation, and the fact that I do not promote disrespectful communication between counsel. It is not my style to send letters that are aimed at hurting the other side.

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